The New iPad … I Hate the Name

There is no doubt, Apple’s New iPad is an SEO, originality, good-name nightmare.

Sure, the device itself is great, especially if you’re the strange type of person who wants to carry their HDTV x 2 at 1/7 the size with them everywhere they go. That 1/7 is generous for probably 90% of people. If you’re one of those who have a 70+ inch TV screen, well, you do the math. I don’t want to. I don’t even care if the 1/7 is accurate.

Lawsuit-happy Apple never ceases to amaze with some of the crazy things they do. The New iPad? Next, they’ll create a Macintosh computer with a giant screen and call it a Big Mac. Watch out, McDonald’s. Apple has hungry lawyers, and they just might sue you out of that coveted value menu item.

It makes me wonder what they’re going to call the next iPad. The New iPad 2? iPad 4?  The Superlicious Awesomest iPad Ever? Bob?

Then there’s Android Jelly Bean. And Key Lime Pie. Okay pretty much every version of Android there is. They’re all named after desserts.  Really? You’re going to have to stop making new versions of Android, Google. You’re making me hungry! I blame you if I end up eating my phone. If I choke, I’ll hire my own lawyer. Or borrow one from Apple. They have plenty of lawyers to go around, they’re already dealing with lawsuits regarding Android, and they might be willing to go along with the lawyer loan if I offered them a percentage of the settlement cash.

Knowing how some people are, I’m quite surprised some vegetarian hasn’t tried suing Apple over their logo. After all, how dare they portray murdering fruit in a good light?

Then there’s Boot to Gecko from Mozilla. I can’t wait for this operating system. Not only does it seem really awesome, but I can actually use the device without thinking of Big Macs, desserts, vegetarians, or lawyers. Plus it has a cool name that makes me think of the Geico gecko for some odd reason. Maybe because he’s a gecko.

Just think, a year from now, I could be drooling over my shiny, new Superlicious Awesomest iPad Ever, reading a Geico ad on the screen, whilst eating a Big Mac (which will gross out my Android-toting vegetarian girlfriend) and hiding from a large crowd of rabid Apple lawyers wanting to take the Josh v. Google case.

I love technology!

2 thoughts on “The New iPad … I Hate the Name

  1. Haha, I always love your off-beat humor, Josh.

    Yeah, the name is really stupid. I do like the idea of the Big Mac though 😛

  2. I’ve been thinking about the whole ‘name’ thing. We as Teccies expect the whole “iPad 3” thing. Car manufacturers don’t do this. It’s not “The Volkswagen Golf 6”, it’s “The New Volkswagen Golf”.

    The argument goes “Well, what are they going to call it next year? The old, new iPad?”. The answer is simple, they’ll call the new one “The New iPad”, they simply won’t mention the old one, same as the car manufacturers, and in fact the same as Apple themselves when they launch “The New MacBook” etc.

    I also love the idea of the Big Mac too.

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